today I spoke to a woman who nearly 25 years ago tried to stab me
in the face
with a butcher knife.
today, she is a grandmother.
she is doing quite well.
I’m very happy for her.
you are probably wondering about the
butcher knife though…
I should rewind.
Alice called me
she asked if I wanted to come over
I did.
when I walked through the door
I expected to see Alice
but I saw Jane.
she had a mad look in her eyes
she was showing a lot of teeth
I shut the door behind me.
then, I saw the huge knife in her hand.
it gleamed with the same fury as
her eyes
her teeth
she screamed out some sort of war cry
held the butcher knife above her head
high
came running towards me.
I laughed at first
thinking it a joke
but she didn’t slow down.
she seemed to be racing toward me
even faster
which was weird because this whole thing
played out like slow motion.
I considered my options
quickly
very quickly
moved my head to the left
as she buried the knife a good
three inches
into the door
she was still screaming
her teeth chattering together
eyes of fire
I grabbed her wrists as she tried
to pull the knife from the door
I tried to reason with her
at a very loud volume
I shook her
she tried to bite me
I asked her if she was finished
her teeth went away
her eyelids grew heavy
she nodded.
I let go of her wrists
she screamed and swung at me
over and over again
fists connecting all over my head
my body
I grabbed her wrists once more
wrestled her to the ground
sat on top of her
holding her down
“are you fucking finished?” I shouted.
she lifted her head up
snapping her teeth at me
giggling
growling
I told her I wouldn’t let her go
if she was gonna come at me again
she laughed.
I shouted, “bitch, you are burning your bra right now!
come at me again and I’ll deck you!”
I let go.
she at least let me get up and walk towards the hallway
before she leapt over the couch and tackled me
I wasn’t fucking around
I yelled for Alice, the one who lived there.
she had locked herself in her room
once she saw how batty Jane had become.
Alice finally came out and helped me drag
Jane in the bedroom.
I tied to her to he bedposts with socks, panties,
and a long skirt I found on the floor.
she still snapped her jaws at me
she still laughed maniacally.
I tried to tie a shirt around her head
to gag her,
but she almost bit my finger off
and spit the gag it out.
“what the fuck?” I asked Alice
“she came over after I phoned you
she’s on acid or something.”
“ya think?” I shouted sarcastically.
minutes later,
Alice and myself were trying
to bang in the bathroom
for some reason.
I don’t know why that’s where we ended up
I think it was because we were afraid
that Jane would break loose
and kill us
while we were naked.
we needed a door we could lock.
we tried and we tried
but all we could hear over the sounds
of our lips meeting
were the mad cries from Jane
tied to the bed
down the dark hallway.
I bent Alice over
tried to slide it in
but that thing was clamped shut.
tried slamming it in too.
nothing.
shouting continued.
neighbors were probably thinking
someone was being murdered.
some one was…
my dick.
I sighed.
Alice and I said it at the same time,
“this isn’t going to work, is it?”
we chuckled, sort of,
walked into the living room,
sat on the couch with a couple of drinks.
we tried to drown out Jane’s madness
with other women screaming nonsense
on Jerry Springer.
a while later, the cries subsided.
just groans.
then nothing.
Jane was finally sleeping it off.
we looked at each other and smiled.
it was going to be okay.
then Jerry was looking right us
and he said, “take care of yourselves,
and each other.”
everything was going to be okay.
I lit a cigarette.
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