after getting my hair cut
sides of my mohawk shaved
I needed to get in the shower
I didn’t have my glasses on
that is very important to this
I washed myself
my head
behind my ears
in my beard
then the rest of me
down on the floor of the tub
I saw something big and black
again, I didn’t have my glasses on
was this a big spider?
a cockroach?
or, more likely,
just a clump of my hair?
I stood there trying as hard as I could
to be logical and rational
I have never found a spider
or a cockroach
in this shower before
thus, the chances of it being there
this time
the time when I’m washing clumps of hair off me
are very very slim
so with logic and reason
I decided that the black thing
on the bottom of the tub
was just a clump of my hair
now,
since I didn’t have my glasses on
I could not attest to this
but I am sure
I saw that fucking clump
try to climb back up the side of the tub
of course I panicked
but then remembered
logic
and
reason
laughed
and splashed water on it
until it was rushed between my feet
and down the drain
I turned
and found a bigger
blacker
something
with more legs than the first one
I still did not have my glasses on
logic and reason
logic and reason
it must be a clump of hair
how much hair would be clumping
I swept up a dustpan full
before I got in the shower
there has never been a spider
or a cockroach
in the tub before
but,
could lightning strike twice
in the same place?
probability would say NO
so logic and reason have now confirmed
that this big black thing
is in fact a spider or a cockroach
I screamed
jumped through the glass shower door
and fell on the floor
bleeding
knowing
that there was a bottle of red
and bag of beef jerky waiting for me
but someone else will have them now
