woke up this morning in great pain
on the right side of my jaw
something was wrong
something had been wrong
with a broken tooth
on the left side of my jaw
but this morning
it was a tooth on my right side.

jesus fucking shit
just what I needed.
looked in the mirror
opened my gob
brushed my wild beard hairs
out of the way.
there was a huge abscess,
a puss filled pocket
right under a tooth
that had been broken in half
some months back.
it hurt to touch
it hurt to look
it was as white as a
virgin’s wedding dress,
stuck out like a hard-on
in tight pants.

I looked out the window
the sun was just coming up
on what looked like
a beautiful day
the pain was getting worse.

I took a toothpick
pulled the gum away form the
blood came
I tired to stick the pick in
deep enough to make a passage
for the puss to escape.
I tried to push on the abscess
nothing but pain and blood.

I made some hot coffee
swilled it around my mouth
hoping the heat would help
I think it did.
I finished the cup
while smoking a couple cigs
had another cup
finishing my pack
tried pressing it again to no avail.

had been up an hour
still pain radiated through my skull
drove to the shop
bought more smokes
don’t even remember driving back
looked in the mirror
now it was white
but also a deep purple / blue
the abscess was filling with blood
a good sign, I thought
then I pushed on it again
hard as fuck
I groaned in agony
heard a snap
as my gum popped open
ejaculating puss
all over my finger and mouth.
there was a rush through my head
then the pain began to dissipate.

I squeezed it until no puss came out
just blood
swilled some cold beer in my mouth
then took 4 Advil
2 Tylenol
smoked a few more cigs
the pain was gone.
all day my mouth tasted like I had
been sucking on old, dirty pennies.

I had to tell my wife
she wasn’t thrilled.
she wants me to go to the dentist
but I don’t want to spend the money
I have fucking 5 broken and shattered
I’m a goldmine to a dentist.
they wouldn’t even know where to start.

I also am 17 days away from the end
of my crowdfunding campaign
a book of poetry
I wrote during my suicidal (failed) holiday season
the book is only at 25% of the goal
I think I will need all the money I have
to make sure the book comes out.

maybe by May I can go to the dentist?
I think I can pop abscesses til then.
especially if COVID fucks off soon
that would be just grand!

I feel like I may wake up tomorrow
in the same state as this morning
I hope not.
there are 9 empty cans on the counter
3 more in the fridge
I’ve taken 8 more Advil
4 more Tylenol
will take another dose before I
pass out.
fingers crossed.

You can help make THE END OF EVERYTHING happen here!

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  1. Today I was finally able to order a copy of The End of Everything. For your gums and teeth, 1 tablespoon of salt in a glass of water as hot as you can stand, once in the am and once in the pm, will help. One tablespoon of 3% hydrogen peroxide in a glass of water, once a day, will also help. Don’t use the hydrogen peroxide straight. It’s too strong. I know it’s almost impossible to quit smoking because it took me several tries to finally do it, but you’d make it so much easier on your gums if you did. You’d keep your teeth longer. Keep writing, and thank you for putting your work out.

    • thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I’m sure I’ll quit that sometime. we will see I guess. thanks for the advice here. I’ll try that.

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