it’s hard watching you die

you have been my best friend
for the last 9 years
you were my biggest supporter
you made me feel like
I could do this
be a writer

you have been my lover
my therapist
my priest in the confessional
you have been my only true friend

almost every book I’ve written
I’ve done so on you
every poem
every fucking wound I’ve had
you have healed

watching you die
shows me how much
you’ve meant to me
and how much I took you for

I never once thought
I would run you into the grave

you showed me
that I had the chops
to do this full time
to end the career I had
and take on this one
you have been my biggest fan
my biggest supporter
my coach
my editor
my friend

I know it’s the carpenter
and not his tools
but I know
I couldn’t have done
90% of this
without you

and now you are breathing
your last breaths
and all you have to show for it
is the success
or lack there of
of a struggling writer
who has been
slamming his sausage fingers
on your sleek keys

thank you so much
for letting me bleed in you
puke out my guts
vomit my soul
into your hard drive
and best of all
all I have told you

you have been the best listener
that there ever was
I will never forget you
I will always remember you
you know the true me
you have seen the darkness
of my soul

I want to keep typing
because it hurts too much
to say goodbye
but I guess I should let you
finally rest
mid 2012 MacBook Pro
I will miss you

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