toilet paper blues

I remember
when I was a kid
toilet paper came in
fantastical colors
some even came in scents
but the colors

they even had designs on them
in different contrasting colors
a lot of people would
buy the color that matched
their bathroom
but I remember
a multi color pack
a four pack
I remember seeing this
under my sink

but the colored paper was crazy
it gave you something to look at
especially if you were too young
to read on the crapper
but the colors of the paper
would make your shit smears
it would even make your shit
look darker or lighter
than normal
if you ate something different
that changed the color of your shit
you couldn’t be sure if it was real
or just the fucking paper!

toilet paper aisles in grocery stores
are so damn boring now
it used to be the stores that were boring
with their drab
brown and beige
color schemes
and the toilet paper aisle
that looked like a rainbow of paper
out of Willy fucking Wonka!

you know
I also remember
these toilet paper rollers
that had these beads of
poisonous jelly
that would emit a good smell
after a stinky shit
as you rolled the paper out

but like I said
those little beads were poisonous
and since they were different colors
and smelled good
would eat them
get sick
probably die
after puking and shitting
their guts out
in the crapper
using more toilet paper
of different colors
that would spin on the roll
shoot out more beads of jelly
of different colors
for them to sick all over again…

those were the days

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