fate’s right hand

I always have been
always was
and probably always will be
terrified of cops.
cops are the only people
who can drastically
change your life
change the course
your direction
in a matter of seconds.
just being in the wrong place
at the wrong time
could stick with you
your entire lifetime.

when I was a kid,
I looked weird to normals.
clothes were dirty
I had a mohawk
dyed some stupid color
wore studs and spikes
I was a freak
metal coming out of my face
tattoos.
if I was within a mile of a cop
no matter what I was doing
they would stop me.
be it in a car
on a skateboard
or on foot
next thing I knew
I was sitting on the curb
sometimes with new bracelets
the cop would tear up my car
or tear out my pockets
never find anything.
they would try to come up with
a good reason as to why I was stopped
it was the usual bullshit
“a report came in of someone
matching your description
robbing a gas station”
or some other shit
that both of us knew wasn’t true.
after talking with me for a bit
they knew they’d fucked up
and they would
usually
let me go
telling me to stay out of trouble
which meant
STAY OFF THE STREETS.

I’m a month away from my 42 birthday
and I still fear cops.
when I see one on the road
I tense.
I’ve done nothing wrong
but I am afraid for my life
because these people
these humans
have the power
if they wanted to use it
to make sure that I don’t sleep
in my bed that night
they have so much power
so much control
they can completely change
anyones destiny.

I guess the cops that fucked with me
are all either dead, retired or have
a kooshy desk job
maybe the cops that are out there now
are nicer people
I don’t know
because
(knock on wood)
I haven’t been stopped in a long time
but maybe with the softening
of our society
the cops have gotten a little sweeter.

here’s to hoping.

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2 Comments

  1. This hit home, man. Around my area, the local cops are involved in the moonshine/drug ring. No joke. If a cop can go against all they supposedly stand for, imagine how much of a crap they’d give if they just didn’t like the look of you.

    But I do the same thing. I tense up, even though I know I’m not doing anything wrong. (Maybe? The justice system is so screwed nowadays, I’m probably committing a crime as I type and don’t even know it.) I see a cop and my blood abandons my face. Who’s gonna believe you in court? Old Billie they voted for, or some punk with holes in his shirt?

    I enjoy your work. I check in every day to see your new posts. Honestly, I can’t remember how I came across you and your YouTube channels. I’m glad I did, though! It’s content like yours that has value. It’s real and raw. The kind of stuff with no bullshit.

    • holy shit man. thank you so much. that means the world to hear. I know what you mean too about committing crimes that you don’t even know are crimes. I’ll tell you something a cop told me once: Ignorance to the law isn’t an alibi. We, as citizens are supposed to read and know every law in our towns. That’s how I found I out that the only thing I was allowed to throw from my car was chicken feathers and water! Damn my chest tightened just writing that out to you. It’s amazing the physical reactions to just thinking about the law. anyway, thank you for the comment. It’s very humbling.

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