I can paint that

having a beer for breakfast
when the sudden URGE came
I ran to the bathroom
beer in hand
put it on the sink
and tried to get out of my pants
as quickly as possible
whenever you do things quickly
or, at least try to,
things seem to move slowly
and the thing you are trying to do
quickly
takes longer than it should;
this happened
I dropped the drawers and
the beershit was projecting out
before I got my ass on the can
I knew my mistake immediately
the toilet seat was down
so that was a good start
but the lid was also shut
my shit shot out the back of
my asscrack so fast
the farts sounded like a machine gun
firing rapidly,
the liquid shit shot out from the front of my crack
passing my balls
but not before winging my right nut
giving me a stomach ache
while I watched my very own
Jackson Pollock painting
coming to life
on the bathroom door before me