how to suicide

I don’t understand
when other people do it

though it makes sense
for me
when I think of it

I just hate
that everyone does it
when they are so sad

I would feel much better
about my friend’s
if they were done
when they were happy

I would hear about it
nod with a slight smile
and say, “they did it right”

but this doing
the killing of one’s self
in the deepest
it’s bad form

it leaves everyone
with a void
their hearts ache
tears follow
the questioning
of the meaning of life
or lack thereof

friends and family
feel guilty
saying things like
“I should’ve seen it coming”
“if I only would’ve known
how serious it was”

I hope when I do the thing
it will be
when I’m finically secure
everything going right
all the bills paid
everyone happy with me
no one worrying
and when they find me
or hear about it
they’ll nod
slightly smile
and say,
“that’s the way to do it,
he was alllllll right.”

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