i pulled up
to the old d
esert property
for the first time in months
the place looked a wreck
everything in disarray
trash everywhere
flowing like the water
that had never been there
but that i always hoped for
it felt weird
being in a ghost town
of my own creating
the ground squirrels were gone
the ravens were gone
the road runners gone
the iguanas gone
there was a jackrabbit
running away from me
it stopped and looked at me
as if saying
“you don’t belong here”
jack was right
i didn’t
the only person who belongs here
is one who accepts their own death
to feed the scavengers of the vast sand
i observed all my broken dreams
saw the carcasses of all my past purchases
that were supposed to improve my life
tumbleweeds weren’t even inspired to blow by
this lot was too dead for even them
the rats
the almighty desert wood rats
had won
they destroyed my trailer
chewed through everything
shit on everything
pissed on everything
nothing was left
i closed my eyes
felt the warmth of the sun
the breeze cooling the sweat on my skin
i tried to remember
the freedom i felt
the peace i felt
when we first got there
the hopes i had
the dreams i dreamt
i took a deep breath
feeling those feelings again
then opened my eyes
to the rancor of disillusionment
and the shattered pieces of those broken dreams
in the sand
for the woodrats and rattlesnakes
the rattlesnakes and woodrats
broken pieces that i hope they choke on
by next summer
no one will ever know
that we lived, dreamed and struggled here
for over two years
the desert will win
the desert will always win
the elements will take what they want
and leave nothing but heartbreak
sweat
and decay
right here
with all my dashed hopes
failure after failure
stay out of the desert
the world is just getting more severe
stay in the cities
stay in the mountains
stay on the farm
the desert is deserted
for the reason
that it wants nothing from you
has nothing for you
is nothing for you
is nothing
just miles and miles of sand
and nothing more
jack was right
“you don’t belong here”
Pick up my chapbook book 13 Miles South of Hell available now at my Etsy shop!
