clocks

I was two days off, on what the date was
that happens
but the thing that has been ruling my life
my whole life
is a little fucking thing
called a clock.
I always look at it
always worrying about what it will say
always conserned about what time it will tell me.
it fucking sucks.
every job I ever had
nearly killed me
and it wasn’t the job that did the killing.
it was the waiting
the constant waiting
for the time to be right
for me to leave my place
to get to work
then waiting for the clock to tell me I could go home.
then making sure that I had enough time
to do everything I that needing doing
before I had to make sure I had enough time to get there again.
fuck that shit.
I would rather be a little poorer
not having to look at that ugly fucking face
the ugly fucking face of a clock
with it’s 2 stupid hands
that do nothing but fill me with anxiety and rage.
the only people that don’t have to worry about that
are maybe the homeless and the retired
but if you are retired then I guess you tell time
by what show is on the TV
that’s why those are bad too.
the thing that gets me now
are appointments.
if I have to go to the doctor
I try to make it later in the day
because if it’s early
I won’t be able to sleep the night before
because I’m scared that I will miss it
so I make them later in the day
and still can’t sleep
because I think it may that one day that I sleep
until fucking 4 o’clock.
then I get up before the sun comes up
and can’t do anything else
but stare at that ugly fucking clock
and wait and wait and wait
until it’s time for me to leave to get whatever I’m
going 15 minutes early so that I won’t be late
because that’s a whole other anxiety I have
which should be saved for another poem.
the point is, I will not be ruled by a fucking clock anymore.
digital clocks don’t change anything by the way.
I need to stop this now.
I have been holding my breath this whole time
and my heart is beating out of my cheast.
this was supposed to make me feel better.
no more clocks, I’m done.

be sure to pick up my book THE END OF EVERYTHING available now at Indiegogo!

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