listening to a song
that I first heard
when I was about 12
not long after that
I fell for a girl
who loved the band
that this song is by

we weren’t together long
it was 7th grade
but it seemed like a lifetime
because it was 7th grade

she went away for a while
we couldn’t speak

she gave me a picture
of her to look at
while she was gone
look at that picture I did
for hours and hours
listening to her favorite band

I cried like a small child
not understanding
why this was happening
but at the same time
feeling very adult because of it

I thought about jumping out my window
head first on the driveway
but instead
carved her initials
into my wrist
with a broken staple

the scar from that
lasted much longer than
the relationship

after she returned
she returned my love
like an ugly xmas sweater
from grandma

her initials finally healed
you can’t even tell where they were
but the song
still makes me feel the same
makes me feel alone
makes me feel loss
I picture her face
every time
I hear it

I think her name was Mia
may have been Maya
I’m sure she had a last name
I don’t remember it
but I know she had one
because there were two letters
carved into my wrist
that have disappeared over time
with everything else
except that fucking song

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